Weekly check-in questions for couples
A check-in is twenty minutes a week where you ask each other how things are going, on purpose, before small things pile up. It works best when it is short, regular and has a shape, so nobody has to wonder what to say.
Below is one way to run it: five rounds, with 29 cards from the Couplete app to choose from. Pick one card per round. Play them as cards right here, or print this page and keep it on the fridge.
Play them as cards
Things I Love About You
What is something I did this week that you appreciated but didn't mention?
How to run it
- Pick a fixed time, like Sunday evening. Any slot where you are both fed and not in a hurry will do.
- Go through the rounds in order, one card each. It starts with what went well, so the harder part lands on a good footing.
- In round three, the listener only listens. No defending and no fixing until the speaker is done.
- Stop after twenty minutes, even if you skipped a round. A check-in you keep doing beats a long one you start to dread.
Round 1: What went well
Start with something specific from this week.
- What is something I did this week that you appreciated but didn't mention?
- What is something I do around the house that you appreciate but rarely mention?
- What is a small thing I do that makes you feel loved?
- What is a way I make your ordinary days better?
- Action card: Thank each other for one practical thing you each did this week. Be specific.
Round 2: How we are doing
A quick reading of the two of you, not a full review.
- What is your favorite thing about our relationship right now?
- When have you felt most supported by me?
- How does stress from work or family show up in how we treat each other?
- What is one thing that you feel like we don’t talk about enough?
- What is a way you'd like to be appreciated more — and how can I start?
Round 3: Anything unsaid
The round that is easiest to skip. One card is enough.
- What is a small thing I do that quietly annoys you but you never bring up?
- What's something you've been holding back because you didn't want to start a fight?
- How do you want me to tell you when something you did hurt me?
- When was the last time you felt I really listened to you during a disagreement?
- What is one thing I do during a fight that actually helps?
- Action card: Each of you name one thing you would like to do differently next time you argue. Say it out loud and shake on it.
Round 4: The week ahead at home
Chores, money and the calendar, so they do not come up in the middle of an argument instead.
- Do you feel the housework is split fairly? What would fair look like?
- Who handles the "invisible" tasks — remembering birthdays, appointments, groceries? Does that feel okay?
- How do you feel about how we spend our weekends?
- How do you feel about our social calendar — too much, too little, just right?
- How much alone time do you need in a week to feel like yourself?
- Is there a subscription or expense you think we should cut?
- Action card: Swap one chore with each other for the coming week. Decide which ones now.
Round 5: Something to look forward to
End on a plan, however small.
- What is something you are looking forward to this month?
- What is one thing that you’d like us to do more of as a couple?
- What's a routine you would like us to have?
- What is something you love that we do together that we don't do often enough?
- Action card: Name one financial goal for us. Agree on one small step toward it this week.
- Action card: Hug for a full minute. No talking. Just breathe together.
If a card opens something bigger than twenty minutes can hold, agree on when you will come back to it and move on. The check-in is for noticing things early. It does not have to solve them on the spot.
These cards come from the Things I Love About You, Money, Home & Life, Couple’s Voyage, How We Fight and First Dates decks in the Couplete app, which has 670 cards in 12 decks.